Many years ago when I was employed in the corporate world it seemed that the weeks leading up to a scheduled vacation would feel longer and more hectic than usual. The closer the vacation date came, the more I felt that I needed the break and would count down the days. The final days at the office could feel endless knowing that a reward was so close. Rarely would the break be anything more than a “staycation” at home, but the idea of spending uninterrupted time with my daughter had tremendous appeal.
Although it’s only two and half weeks until my daughter comes home from university (and it’s only been four days since she was home for Easter) I feel as if I’ve never missed her as much as I do right now. It’s not necessarily a negative feeling, I’m glad that she’s focused on completing her final exams. Despite her delaying her third year of university, she’s still committed to doing her best in finishing off this semester. I’m so proud of her determination to stick to a plan, regardless of how drastically it has been revised due to my illness.
Back in those corporate days I was unfortunately never very good at completely leaving the office behind. Like many of my colleagues, I would keep my pager on, let my supervisors know that I’d be checking my email and voicemail should a work emergency arise. The ties were never severed for more than a couple of days. Where did that get me?
A similar sense of unease comes to me now in anticipation of my daughter’s homecoming. Wouldn’t it be wonderful to be able to leave my health issues (which seem like a fulltime job) completely behind and enjoy our time without reminders? Wouldn’t it be absolutely fantastic to be able to forget that I was sick for at least a few days?
Years ago I had the choice to sever ties with work for a week or two. In hindsight I should have, but didn’t.
This time around we can’t escape.
This wish isn’t for me, it’s for her. Deep down I know that we’ll be able to continue making wonderful memories, but I wish that oxygen tubing wasn’t in the way. She and I (perhaps unfortunately for her!) share a similar sense of warped humour, and I can’t see a wheelchair getting in the way of that. In fact, it’s often the source of a good laugh these days.
We’ll make the most of our time together, we always do. No matter what disagreements have come up between us over the years (and they will continue to, sharing a one bedroom apartment won’t be easy!) never for a moment have I ever never not wanted to see her beautiful face. No matter how angry we might be with each other at the time.
It would however be lovely to kick my illness to the curb for a break now and again. Don’t think we won’t try.
A few weeks ago I posted a video of portraits that I’d shot in 2009. Here is the link to the one I’d posted on YouTube in 2010 (it’s shorter than the last one, mostly due to the fact that I’d had to cut back significantly on working).
Lots of wonderful smiles to be seen in the montage, including a few that belong to people I know to be following this blog. However at the 3:44 minute mark you’ll see two images of the young woman who makes my heart swell most of all (the handsome young man with her is one of my very favourite people too!)
It’s the smile I can’t wait to see in person again. Especially with knowing that she’s making such a huge sacrifice to see one on my face.
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