Someone Had to Go and Ruin It…

For many months now, we’ve had a good system in place for giving visitors (friends, volunteers, nurses and PSWs) access to the apartment. I could buzz them in through the front door downstairs using the phone at my bedside (when the phone has been working, but that’s another story), and Suzanna would leave the apartment door open so that visitors could let themselves in if she were out.

It might take few minutes before a visitor would make their way down the hallway. Shoes to taken off, coats hung, food put away in the kitchen, charts retrieved, a cat snuggled, hands washed.

If I heard the door open, there was no concern. Visitors were expected and generally on time.

This week it all changed.

I was expecting a visitor who had given me a small window of time during which she’d be stopping by. Although I was a little surprised when I heard the door open a good forty five minutes before her planned arrival time, I didn’t call out thinking she might have finished her errands earlier than anticipated.

A good two minutes passed, yet nobody had come down the hall. Somewhat alarmed, I called out her name and heard nothing. I can’t be certain, but I’m fairly sure that I then heard the door open and shut again very quietly.

A quandary. Walk down the hall to see what was up? The situation was making me too nervous so I hauled myself out of bed and lumbered down the hallway with my oxygen tubing in tow. A gamble, walking that short distance would most definitely be the cause of considerable pain that would follow in the next hours.

I suppose it’s a good thing that our apartment is small, it was easy to see that whoever had come in had left again. I had no intention of remaining upright a moment longer than necessary and lumbered back to bed. Uneasy, I still had to leave the door open for the visitor who was soon coming.

Might the intruder have taken something? Quite possibly, yet there’s nothing of value in here. I’m not about to have Suzanna do an inventory of kitchen utensils and books, those are about the only thing left in here. The intruder might have thought that we were in the middle of moving (it is really quite sparse in here) and decided it wasn’t worth the effort of snooping about.

Even if something was stolen, it’s not about material items. It’s about violation of our space, but more so a sombre reminder of how vulnerable I am alone at the end of a hallway.

I’m not about to publically broadcast the steps we’ll be taking to make this a safer place for me, but we do have to go about things differently for visitors coming and going from here on in.

Unfortunately, what may result is that at times I’ll have to tell visitors that they can’t come over, or have to limit visitors to when Suzanna is here. Sadly, when she’s away is when I appreciate their company the most.

All this further adding to my sense of isolation. Really, whoever you are – did you have to take this away from me too?