Indebtedness…

Like many others, I’ve always felt that I had a duty to return kindnesses with something that was of at least equal value or effort. When it wasn’t possible despite best efforts to give back to the person who did something generous for me, it made me uncomfortable. Isn’t that the way the world is supposed to work so that everyone both gives and gets to meet needs (and as a bonus, experience the joy of feeling like an active participant in the game of life)?

Even my cat seems to agree. Scrabble finds it impossible to just accept cuddling and being petted without at least a good part of that time  returning the favour with attentive licking. With his rough tongue, he might well lift off a layer of skin if we allowed him to persist. If only he didn’t like to go after that ticklish part of my throat just above my collarbone!

Delivery of prepared meals (and favourite treats), help around the apartment, errands run, visits from near and far, time spent checking in on me, offers to take me outdoors (it’s been six weeks, I pray that it’ll soon work out. My body hasn’t been cooperating in the least!), loans of movies and audiobooks to keep my mind busy, numerous gifts and help from friends and strangers. I fear I’ve left out mention of a particular kindness, there’s just that many of them that come our way.

Today a call from friends offering to come over for a slumber party so that my daughter could have a night away from the stresses of looking after me. These friends, among others, recognize that my daughter needs a break now and again to be able to keep herself healthy both physically and emotionally. Being mature for her age it can be easy to forget that she’s only nineteen, carrying this huge weight on her shoulders.

I’ve come to the point of realization that there’s no possible way that I can ever repay the wonderful things that so many have done for us. It’s been an issue that I’ve raised a few times on this blog, I have to get better at accepting generosity with a simple “thank you” without feeling as if I’m not holding up my end. Quite difficult a task.

This feeling of indebtedness that can’t be rectified during the balance of my life makes me pray ever harder each day that I will have opportunities on the other side of this lifetime to offer something meaningful to those who have been so kind to me.

A quote I came across today, “Be thankful for the difficult people in your life, for they have shown you who you do not want to be”. This may hold true and is a concept I’ve taken into consideration when I reflect on my experiences, what I like even more is to paraphrase it to  “Be thankful for the beautiful souls in your life, for they have shown you what is within each of us to be”.

Thank you to so many of you for reminding me on a daily basis of what selflessness looks and sounds like. I am forever in your debt.