An Introduction…

I’ve likely made reference to my daughter in just about every post over the last few years. As you might have gathered over the last four years of writing this blog – I think she’s pretty darned amazing. And it’s time that I introduced you to my Suzanna.

Why now? Suzanna will be doing me the honour of taking the steering wheel on this blog now and again. She insists that she isn’t, but I happen to think she’s quite a talented writer and I’m sure that you’ll enjoy reading whatever she has to say.

She’s welcome to post anytime she wishes (and I’m pleased to say that's she quite excited about participating!) Suzanna has also committed to letting you know of any significant updates should I be unable to write. This story needs an ending, and as many of you have very gently and respectfully requested over the last while – you will have it.

Here is Suzanna’s first post,  I look forward to sharing more of her contributions!

As my mum has previously mentioned in an earlier blog post, I’ve made the decision to take the next year off from my education at university to care for her during the end of her journey. It’s not that I want to take a break from school, and it’s not because it seems easier. In fact, it’s an exponentially (here’s my science nerd side coming out!) harder experience. So why am I doing this?

I am taking time off to see her through to the end because it is the right thing to do.

I’ve got to admit, it’s really hard being home. For one, I am not free to go and do as I please anymore. I can’t take off on a whim, wait six weeks to finally do my laundry, or eat pickles for dinner three nights in a row without it affecting someone else. In my two years away at school, I became accustomed to being totally independent and enjoyed that. Moving home has definitely changed my level of freedom. Secondly, while away at school I didn’t have to face how hard my mom’s declining health really was. When I was away, I could take my mind off of her for short periods while I concentrated on lectures, labs, and work. Living at home, I see the daily struggles she faces, and how much work goes into making a day go smoothly for her. Physically seeing my mother get sicker before my eyes is - not to be dramatic - heart wrenching. This is the woman who cared for me for years, and now she needs my help caring for her. There is no one else who can do what I do, which brings me back to the point of doing the right thing.

It would be easy to go back to another year of school and try to forget about what is happening at home. I don’t believe that I could think highly of myself, however, knowing that I neglected my mom when she needed me most. Doing the right thing is a great source of pride for me. I am proud that I am running a household of myself, my mom, and two cats that cause so much trouble and mess that I liken them to toddler twins in their terrible twos. It has been hard to have to grow up faster than others my age, causing a disconnect between myself and my peers, but I know that it will be beneficial in the long run when I don’t have a mother to teach me all of these things later in life when I actually need these skills. This experience has taught me a lot more than just skills in how to run a household, and I feel I have grown as a person because of what I have been through and continue to go through.

This journey has been as hard as I have expected it to be. I am a person who expects the worst, and hopes for the best. In this case, it was closer to the worst, but at least I came prepared. As difficult as this is, it is rewarding too. Knowing that my mom appreciates what I’m doing (and she thanks me a lot, at times excessively!) makes me feel like I am making a positive difference in her life, and that I am needed. My mother is my best friend, and knowing that she won’t be enduring the end alone is a bigger reward than I could ever have next year at school.