Halfway There (or 1/4 or an 1/8th?)

Officially I'm halfway through my two weeks of high dose radiation treatments, but having had the chance to meet many other patients over the last week I'm coming to understand that there's a long way to go. I'm told that treatments tend to make themselves felt more so afterwards; if I'm feeling tired now - just wait.

Thanks to the friends who've checked on me regularly this week (and for the wonderful meals, snacks, diversions and encouragement too!) I'm holding up. As warned, the pain did increase sharply over the last few days (radiation pain flare) and I'm getting more fatigued as the days go on. The nausea is occasional and tolerable. When it hits, soon afterwards I get a craving for potato chips (which happily I had on hand but need to find more tomorrow), I was a little nervous to eat them on an angry stomach but weirdly they do settle the nausea quite a bit. A few have commented that it sounds like morning sickness, thankfully I'm feeling nowhere near as queasy as I did when I was pregnant!

The nurses are coming daily right now to check on me, I pointed out today that I'm breaking out in bruises all over - not just on the irradiated sites. Hopefully it's not a sign of trouble with my blood cells, it's a good thing that I see my radiation oncologist on Monday so that he can see them for himself.

The irradiated skin is getting a bit pinkish, I'm diligently applying the glaxol base cream to minimize the anticipated skin burn. And forgive me for looking forward to one of the potential side effects of hair loss, I wouldn't mind a bit if I never needed to shave my legs again!

For those who have been wondering, the radiation treatments are themselves completely painless - and they come with a great team of technicians whom I look forward to seeing every visit.

I'm grateful for a weekend break from treatment, it's a chance to get myself mentally prepared for what's to come. The logistics and practicalities have been taken care of; the cupboards are full, the volunteer drivers from the Cancer Society booked - and phone numbers of friends who've insisted that they're available 24/7 for me are close by.

The tough part of this is coming home to an empty apartment, knowing that two things that were always guaranteed to soothe me and help more than any pain medication ever could - a loving hug and a head rub, aren't waiting for me anymore.

So much for "in sickness and in health" when there are greener pastures to be pursued. Yeah, I'm feeling a little bitter this week, especially after hearing that my ex landed himself a luxury apartment in an expensive neighbourhood when I've had to settle for something a distant throw from that description. One of us ended up in a far better financial position than before we married, the other far worse. You know which end I got.