The Men Who Restore My Faith in Men

Note – the bulk of this post was originally written about about two months ago, just before my Word files became inaccessible due to my laptop challenges. Events of this week launched me into a determined effort to find what I’d drafted. I suppose I could have rewritten it, yet I didn’t want to miss the essence of what I was feeling the first time I sat down to write it. I apologize for the length, it felt like I needed to get this all out of me tonight.

It’s no secret to people who are close to me that there have been men in my life who have treated me less than honourably. Some earlier in my life, others more recently.

Although there are those who stuck out as princes among men and treat me with great respect, kindness and love, I had over the last year and a half lost some faith in the opposite sex.

Yet there are men who give me reason to rethink this position.

Yesterday afternoon I received a call from the volunteer driver who had taken me to my morning radiation appointment. On the drive home with another patient I’d told the story I’d posted some weeks ago about listening in the oncologist’s waiting room to the older ladies discussing tooting on the bus (if you missed it, you might get a giggle out of it if you go back to my August 2^nd post).  Our driver said that I should write a story like that down, and I replied that I had indeed done so. I then shared details on how to access my blog and we then said our goodbyes when I was dropped off.

This call was quite emotional. I won’t share all the touching details of what he had to say, but he’d told me that he’d spent an hour reading my blog and wanted me to know that I could call upon him if I needed any assistance – beyond his role as volunteer driver for the Cancer Society.

Let me clear up something quickly fearing that any of you are getting the wrong idea. Mr. B spoke lovingly about his family (including his wife) on the drive to the hospital. This is nothing other than a decent man wanting to do something to make my difficult situation easier if he could.

And I thank the heavens above that this is not an isolated case. More and more I have men stepping forward with genuine offers of help. And not just offers, actions follow the kind words.

Neighbours who helped with household chores before my daughter and I had to leave the old house, men who helped with the yard sale, men who welcomed me and my daughter into their home when we had nowhere else to go, others who accompanied their partners who were visiting me and made themselves useful while they were there.

Men who use their connections to bypass the roadblocks that I run into on a regular basis.  Men who call, send emails and Facebook messages to check on how I’m doing and ask how they can help. Men who tell me that they will never understand how another man could put his wife through what I've experienced, and they apologize on behalf of the gender. That's a concept I don't quite get my head around, I can't imagine a woman apologizing on behalf of all others. But thank you all the same, it's touching and raw at the same time.

Professionals in my life who go well above and beyond the call of duty to let me know that I matter (let me specifically note my doctors and lawyers, I know that I’ve meant more than an OHIP invoice or a billable hour).

Men who didn’t blindly believe what they were hearing, but knew that there would be two sides of the story of what led to the end of my marriage. Those men especially earned my respect for acting on their own feelings when the story didn’t make sense based on what they already knew of me.

There is nothing romantic in any of these connections whatsoever – it`s just decent men being who they are. I’m immensely relieved to know that there are still plenty of good men out there, I trust that the women in their lives know what gems they’re blessed to have around to love and be loved by.

And a huge thanks to those of you (of both sexes!) who have been checking in on my progress with radiation, now nearing the end of the first week. Today it got a bit rough, it’s not easy being here on my own. I wish more than anything that I had a loved one here tonight to warm up some soup for me, rub my head (no pain medication can beat that for soothing me), holding me when an excruciating bout of pain hits. I don’t dare move beyond the bed right now. I wouldn’t in a million years wish this experience upon anyone, nobody deserves this. But bless those who want to make things better for me.

And back to now. The flood of support continues from both sexes, but today I want to continue with thanking the men in my life. 

B drove me to the appointment that I had a few weeks back with the oncologist; the one where we called off any further radiation due to the lack of success of the first round. When I went to find him in the lobby after my appointment I was visibly upset and he asked if there was anything he could do. At that moment I felt what seemed indelibly stained with sadness and loneliness. One of my toughest appointments ever and I’d had to go through it alone.

There were other passengers in the car on the ride home, for the most part I stared out the side window, tears welling up but not making a sound. I was dropped off in front of the building, after our goodbyes I made my way to the elevator. All I desired at that moment was to make it upstairs and into my apartment before I fell apart. I didn't quite manage that, but nobody was around to see the sobs seeping their way out of me. The door locked behind me, I fell into a corner where I must have stayed for the next hour. Sobs that I’d held back for months swept out of me. And then it was time to pull myself together again and muster whatever post-radiation energy I could muster to unpack yet another box.

A few days ago I received an envelope in the mail, my name and address handwritten. I didn't recognize the last name at first, but as I read the enclosed note it quickly came  to me that this note was from my volunteer who’d driven me to and from that difficult visit with the oncologist. I won’t go into details, but I tell you that it was a spiritual gift that lifted my heart.

This led to he and I sharing an hour with others this morning (and there are a couple of coincidences in there too), and then I was invited back to his home to meet his wife. It was a lovely visit, they've been married fifty three years and have lots of stories to tell of their life together. And it sounds like I’ll have a chance to hear more in the future; I’m delighted by that prospect.

I have a long list to thank for restoring my faith in men. I suspect you gentlemen know who you are.