Dare I Dream? Not!

I was like most kids at bedtime, not wanted to go to sleep for fear that I might miss something exciting. And I was also an avid reader who hated to put a book down until I'd turned over the last page (it wasn't unusual to find me still awake far later than I should be with a flashlight and my newest novel under the sheets).

It's usually much later that we truly appreciate what a gift a good night of sleep can be. For most of my adulthood it was something I took for granted; my head hit the pillow and I was out for a good seven or eight hours. And aside from a pretty rough first six months with colic, my daughter also joined the the league of good sleepers (didn't we just make so many of the other parents envious!)

During the ten months I was on steroids my need for sleep diminished significantly, a very common side effect during prednisone treatment. But during that time, I didn't feel the need to catch up with naps - steroids put me into overdrive! I slept little, talked quickly, had thoughts swirling around at a miles a minute. My family were probably secretly begging for a pause switch to be installed!

As my dosages dropped over the months, my regular sleep pattern returned. And then some. It seemed like all I could do was sleep all night and nap most of the day. Getting absolutely nothing productive accomplished besides keeping the bed and couch warm.

And then something happened about five weeks ago that I'm at a loss to explain. Within a few days I went from sleeping excessive amounts to hardly sleeping at all. Hard to believe, but over the past few weeks I've slept on average about three hours a night, and up to five hours on the best night in the last month.

I'm not fretting, I'm not worrying, it's not stress that keeps me alert every night. Just a complete inability to drift off. It's actually a bit alarming just how chipper I am at 3 am. Even annoyingly so I'd venture.

My days however are long, feeling physically spent but unable to nap. Like there's a brilliant light shining into my eyes that I can't turn off or dim. Every single night it's the same routine, I lay awake until about 4 am, and wake up just a few short hours later to a day that drags on seemingly forever.

Why didn't I appreciate it more when a good night of sleep took no effort whatsoever? And why do my most alert hours have to happen when I can't use them to best advantage? I'd love to spend time with my family, catch up with friends, enjoy meals with loved ones (I'm as hungry as all get-out when I'm so awake!). No takers I'm afraid, I'm on my own.

Sleep, please find me again. I promise I'll appreciate you more this time around.