Apple Trees and the Big Apple

Thank you to all who took time to comment on my last post (both here on the blog and private messages) about postponing our trip to New York, I appreciate your kind wishes. With my medication schedule our trip won't be an option sometime next year at the earliest, I hear that spring in NYC is lovely and maybe we'll aim to be there when the cherry trees are in bloom! I do love cherry trees and get out each spring to our local botanical garden to photograph them; there's a softness to the flurry of light pink petals that captivates me.

It's been a difficult week. I started methotrexate and it's no picnic. On my second round, it knocks me out for about four days with nausea & weakness. I don't want to take this drug anymore, and will call my doctor tomorrow. I have to recognize that this illness has no standard treatment and we're experimenting right now. It's okay for me to say I don't want to partake in this particular experiment anymore, right? I feel I have so many things to do and can't afford to lose the better part of a week to feeling this bad, when the "T-Trex" (as my husband calls this drug for all the nastiness it attacks me with) is meant to speed up my weaning off the prednisone. I'd rather take the longer wean with all the prednisone side effects than go through this.

When I'm feeling poorly I often look out our back window to enjoy the small apple orchard that lies just beyond our yard. There's one large apple tree that's particularly close to our fence, and I've enjoyed watching it going through its seasonal changes. The stark winter branches give way to fragrant spring blossoms. Then the leaves become thick and lush and then at this point of the summer I start to see little red apples appearing amongst the greenery.

This year is different. Part of the apple tree has died. A good third of the tree didn't produce any leaves this year. It's stark and barren compared to the rest of the tree (which I'm happy to see looks as healthy as ever). Although the owner of this orchard doesn't harvest the apples in the fall (they all fall to the ground, making for some very happy neighbourhood squirrels!) she does do a nice job of pruning all the trees.

Why has she left this dead growth? Has she not noticed it yet, or is it not the right time of year to cut down the dead limbs? Maybe she hopes that our tree (after four years of carefully noting all its transitions I feel a sense of sympatico with "my" tree) will come back next year, that somehow the restorative potential of a winter's rest is just what is needed. The tree and I. Maybe we both just need rest; unfettered by poking, prodding, cutting and medicating for awhile.

I'd like to add some good news, sick as I'm feeling this week I wanted to keep my appointment with my orthopaedic surgeon yesterday. The bone tumour in my leg hasn't grown since my last x-rays three months ago. The next step is up to me, if I find the pain intolerable my surgeon will take out the tumour and do an allograft (cadaver bone, hmmm....probably better if I don't think about the source too much!) with rods/pins/screws (my goodness, the thought of more metal in me!) to keep me mobile. Thankfully I have a high pain tolerance, and I'd much rather take pain meds than have the surgery. I'm grateful to have options.