Love is in the Details…

People around me may believe that their words and actions are small and insignificant, but perhaps don’t realize how powerful an impact they so often have for me.

Today, remembering kindnesses has been what’s gotten me through the day. There’s no need to go into the details of what today looked like, it’s like yesterday but harder. And yesterday was more challenging than the day before that. The trajectory of this illness is undeniable, unrelenting and some days – like today – almost too difficult to stare in the eyes.

I’m paraphrasing what someone else who is seriously ill posted recently on Twitter. I need a vacation, but unfortunately I’d have to take me along.

Time for gratitude is set aside everyday, but it also floats in throughout my day unexpectedly. Those moments are as far away as I’m able to get from from the challenges I’m facing, and I savour them.
Just a few recent gestures that I’m  appreciating tonight. There are so many more, enough to fill a book or two (but likely even more)  if I were to list them all.

A call from a volunteer who’d delivered a beautifully prepared meal days earlier, thanking me for the thank you message I’d left on her voicemail. Apologizing that she might have appeared awkward when she entered my apartment, admitting that she felt uncomfortable with my health situation and hadn’t known what to say. Her children are lucky to have a mother so giving, honest and courageous.

An email today from a newer friend who has come to know me well enough to feel comfortable in sending me a short essay. written by a young woman, that was guaranteed to rip my heart open. And know that it would be a launching pad for something positive for me to leave behind when I go.

A call from a friend letting me know that even though we may not be in touch every week, I’m in her thoughts every day.

A note from my daughter letting me know that she’s feeling happy today. I so desperately want her to have as many of those days as possible, knowing what a feat that is right now with the worries that weigh upon her.

The smile from a bank employee who saw past the wheelchair and oxygen tubes. She wouldn’t have understood how much I needed the kindness at the moment, not understanding the gravity of the reason why I had to access my safety deposit box.

The offer of a kind friend to sell what’s left of my photographic art prints in her shop, and promise that my daughter would continue to receive the proceeds after I’m no longer here.

The desire of a dear friend that I meet her beloved Mom. I’ll see for myself where such a big heart has come from.

So many kindnesses have gone unmentioned. For all of you who think that the little something that you said or did for me was small, know that they’re all significant pieces in letting me finish off my journey knowing that the world can be a very kind place indeed. Something I might not believed many times along the path.