A Change of Heart

I'm a little overwhelmed with all the encouragement to keep the blog public after announcing in my last post that I'd be taking it private. The readership numbers in the last two days have shocked me a little - who are y'all telling about this little blog of mine? :-)

Thank you, I've changed my mind on that decision. I'm grateful to hear that my writing has been of some help to others (and their caregivers) facing illness. And that you give a darn about what's happening in my corner, I'm deeply thankful for  your concern and good wishes.

Over time I've come to know some fascinating people - who've connected me to other fascinating people - who've connected....you get the idea. However fascinating they are on own, several have shared with me writings, teachings and concepts that have been meaningful (and of course fascinating!) to them.

Not a week has gone by in the last few months when I've not been given/sent/loaned/smoke-signalled books, articles, quotes by authors that I've never heard of - or in some cases had heard about but had never invested time in learning more about.

A big thank you to the kind and generous souls who've sent audiobooks. With my vision declining they've been a welcome respite from the printed word. But I do need to invest in a new CD player, my decades old one makes me start from the beginning again of each new chapter whenever I pause it - but maybe that's a blessing in disguise in listening to interesting ideas more than once :-)

Yesterday afternoon I had one of my scheduled nurse visits (which will disappear soon if I don't find a fixed address in the next weeks, but that's out of my control at the moment). At every visit the nurse takes my vitals, asks me questions about my pain, appetite etc. and evaluates my overall health. You might be familiar with (but I'd be pleased to know you don't have a reason to be) the Palliative Performance Scale. I've slid several notches in the last months, another one yesterday. It was recommended that I have the nurse and personal care workers come by more often too. That will have to wait until I find a home, hopefully that won't be too long a wait.

That spurred me to crack open a book that was loaned to me weeks ago (actually us, this kind friend thought this book might be helpful to my daughter) called "The Needs of the Dying - A Guide for Bringing Hope, Comfort, and Love to Life's Final Chapter" by David Kessler. Maybe not the sort of thing you want to get into on a sunny Thursday afternoon - but I was pleasantly surprised as to how much I looked forward to reading it to its end. My goodness, I'm human!!! All these feelings and concerns I'm experiencing are normal and pretty much par for the course it would appear.

I'm going to buy a copy for myself and will be happy to loan it out to any of my local friends who are supporting a loved one with "life-challenging" illness. Doesn't that sound a whole lot better than terminal?