Thursday…

It’s my birthday in two days. I mention this not because I’m wanting to drop a hint for you to wish me a Happy Birthday on Thursday, I mention it because I’d rather you didn’t.

I’d prefer to ignore the day entirely, and if it weren’t for a loving daughter who insists that the occasion be marked in our own way I would be passing the day as any other.

What complicates things a bit is that Suzanna’s birthday falls on the next day, Friday. That day, her twentieth birthday, is of course  much cause for celebration. The two birthdays have been intertwined for two decades, it’s hard to pull them apart.

We’ve come to a compromise, she and I. Suzanna booked both days off of work. Thursday will be just for the two of us. No nurses, no PSWs, no visitors, and this may seem unreasonable – no calls, they’ll be going to voicemail.

Just the two of us. My birthday wish is to spend my day with my very favourite person. Not celebrating, just being. Spending time with my daughter makes me happier than anything else possibly could, and I expect that she and I will have a lovely day – but I just don’t think I have it in me to be wished a Happy Birthday. It’s just not going to be a day I wish to be congratulated on.

I don’t mean to be petulant, unkind, ungrateful or disrespectful towards friends and family who might normally get in touch, it’s just what I need to do for myself and Suzanna. For this last round of birthday togetherness.

Perhaps you might think I’m being pessimistic. What I’m being is realistic. I’m just not going to get to fifty, I’m thoroughly amazed that it looks like I’m even going to get to forty nine after what my body has been doing to me over the last few weeks. Unless of course there’s a nasty turn over the next few days, and I pray for Suzanna’s sake that my body doesn’t betray us. Wouldn’t that just be the ultimate kick in the pants with wanting so badly to be here for her as she leaves her teens?

Suzanna’s birthday is another matter entirely. She and I have the morning together, and then her boyfriend,  her Dad and her friends will be making sure that she makes merry. I wouldn’t have it any other way. I can’t join in but my thoughts will be with her throughout the afternoon and evening.

As much as it has been a fun story to tell over the years about how I went into labour on my birthday, and apparently so determined that she have her own special day that she wasn’t born until 9:38 p.m. the next evening – I wish so much right now that our days weren’t side by side.

If you happen to be thinking of me on Thursday, instead of getting in touch you’d be doing me a great honour by sending a wish into the wind for my daughter. A wish for a wonderful future, a wish that all of her dreams come true. A wish that the person I have loved most of all has plenty of very special birthdays ahead of her.

A wish that life gives back to her what she has given to me. If that happens for her, she’ll indeed be a very lucky woman.