Because I'm sick, I get to.....

Buy myself a new lens for my camera.

I'm having a "damn it, I'm sick" day. Of course I know that everyday, but occasionally it hits me upside the head something fierce. Today, it was a good two hours after waking up, taking my first round of pills, looking at my moonface in the mirror as I brushed my teeth, checking out the bruises on my foot from my fall the other day (still ticked off with myself about that!).

What set me off this morning was looking at some photos on another photographer's blog, absolutely lovely portraits of two young sisters. The photographer had written about how lovely these young ladies were, and how beautiful they would be when they grew up. Hmmm. My daughter is a lovely young thing (albeit at sixteen more a young woman). What is she going to look like when she's my age? Boom - there it was. Unlikely that I'll be around to see for myself. Self pity ensued.

Around the same time this morning I received an email from a favourite camera store about a lens that's on my wish list going on sale. Since my diagnosis my husband has been after me to fulfill any desires on my wishlist - and there are several lenses on that list.

On one hand it seems pretty clear that this is a case of retail therapy. Feel bad, buy something. Not my usual modus operandi (I'm really not a shopper, the last place I want to be is a mall), but on the other hand - a new lens is an investment in my photography business, isn't it? That's positive thinking - soon I'll be working much more than I am now!

Negative self pity and optimism about my capabilities to work in the future have cancelled each other out. New lens wins, now I just have to wait patiently for my local camera store owner to let me know if he has the lens I want in stock!