Today is the first anniversary of a day that I never thought possible. Not in my worst nightmare did I see it coming, and it continues to change the expectations I've had for every day since. The physical pain of my illness continues to increase, but the emotional pain far outweighed it over the last twelve months.

Through this experience I've seen the worst of the people around me, but also the best.  I live by a "there are no coincidences" philosophy, and it's been proven over and over again in spades over the last year. As recently as this week when I went to go choose my cemetary plot I got a good old slap upside the head. "Sandy - listen to what the universe is whispering to you (or shouting in some cases!)" I can't tell you how often someone has suggested over the last year that I write a book on a life that defies explanation (some of you might note the irony on that one). Faith continues to be on my side, all will be explained in due time.

For the privacy of those involved, I choose not to go into details other than to let you know that my communication on this blog may be sporadic for a time (I should say for a bit longer if I'm being honest, I sure haven't done a good job of keeping up here over the last year). In one week, my daughter and I have to leave our home without a fixed address to go to. The implications are far reaching, emotionally, medically and practically. I'll soon find myself without a home to call our own, without professional nursing care, without the personal care workers who have made certain that I can remain independent for as long as possible as this illness progresses. And progress it does - I can see it in the eyes of friends who've not seen me for a few months. They can see that the essence of the person they know is still in there, but its physical housing deteriorates as the weeks and months pass.

To my friends, I keep saying if I can just reach the finish line of the closing date for the house I'll be at peace. Trying to move mountains when you're not even strong enough anymore to cut meat on your plate requires a special kind of fortitude. I thank God everyday for the strength I still seem to be able to find, and the endless support of dear friends who lift me up. I'm blessed beyond words.

I leave you with this quote.

"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it and a lie is a lie even if everyone believes it"

This is what gets me out of bed each day. I'm deeply saddened that people in my life whom I care a great deal about are no longer around because they've either believed lies, or chosen to put the truth into a corner.

I'm beyond grateful for those who can see truth and love, and know that this past year has not tarnished my capacity to love with every ounce of my being. If anything, it's been increased exponentially. I look back on this past year and know that what I've learned is that unconditional love does indeed exist in the hearts of many. But also not in all of them. This is one of the sad realities I've come to learn, along with many other lessons I've been given an opportunity to learn in this lifetime.