A friend put it quite succinctly last night - this move is like no other I've experienced. Not only do I have no idea where I'm eventually moving to (which complicates what should be kept, sold or donated) but it's also like packing at the same time for a trip that I don't know how long will last. Do I pack for a week, a month, six months?
I've spent weeks trying to decide if each item is to go into storage (becoming somewhat inaccessible) or should be with me (is more than a couple of suitcases too much to bring?) Labelling has been a long and tedious process - what if I need something in a hurry- will I find it quickly enough? More to the point, if I'm not mobile - have I labelled everything clearly enough that someone else can find it for me amongst the many boxes?
Every turn brings a new challenge. I'm finding out that lots of government departments don't accept a PO Box as a legal address. And that you can't do a Canada Post mail redirection from a PO Box to a new address when I have one. Frustration after frustration.
With losing my email addresses, my phone number and my home address I've been feeling like I'm falling off the grid on Sunday.
And then I get the most pleasant reminders that there are lots of people who won't let me.
This week I heard from several colleagues from my pre Intrepid Lens days. News is travelling that I'm not well, and I'm touched that many haven taken time to write lovely notes of encouragement.
One in particular shared a sentiment that touched me more than he probably realizes.He thanked me for giving him his first big chance. I was in a position to hire several associates many years back for a new team and his resume had caught my attention. He, along with several others at the time, joined the team I was assembling for the telecom company I worked for. We were making it up as we went along, trying to fill a void in looking after the needs of our customers. Quite the ride!
If I can give myself credit for anything, it's for being a pretty good judge of character. I've hired many employees over the years in different companies - and never regretted one. Some working relationships may have been more challenging than others, but everyone brought something valuable to the table. And it's never been about technical skills - those can be taught - it's been about who each of them were as a person.
To hear that my decision to hire this gentleman so many years back made a difference in his life put a grin on my face yesterday. We all want to feel like we've made a difference. And I have my lovely daughter as living testament to having done at least a few things right during my time here!
Truly - this isn't a request for readers of this blog to let me know if I made a difference - I'm not fishing! I know by now that I left a footprint. Good or bad experiences, I was here. A very dear friend pointed out to me that none of us are forgotten until the very last person that each of us knew leaves this earth.
(And thank you to those of you who've emailed me privately to let me know that you're glad to see that I'm posting on the blog again!) :-)
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
Saturday, May 26, 2012
Today is the first anniversary of a day that I never thought possible. Not in my worst nightmare did I see it coming, and it continues to change the expectations I've had for every day since. The physical pain of my illness continues to increase, but the emotional pain far outweighed it over the last twelve months.
Through this experience I've seen the worst of the people around me, but also the best. I live by a "there are no coincidences" philosophy, and it's been proven over and over again in spades over the last year. As recently as this week when I went to go choose my cemetary plot I got a good old slap upside the head. "Sandy - listen to what the universe is whispering to you (or shouting in some cases!)" I can't tell you how often someone has suggested over the last year that I write a book on a life that defies explanation (some of you might note the irony on that one). Faith continues to be on my side, all will be explained in due time.
For the privacy of those involved, I choose not to go into details other than to let you know that my communication on this blog may be sporadic for a time (I should say for a bit longer if I'm being honest, I sure haven't done a good job of keeping up here over the last year). In one week, my daughter and I have to leave our home without a fixed address to go to. The implications are far reaching, emotionally, medically and practically. I'll soon find myself without a home to call our own, without professional nursing care, without the personal care workers who have made certain that I can remain independent for as long as possible as this illness progresses. And progress it does - I can see it in the eyes of friends who've not seen me for a few months. They can see that the essence of the person they know is still in there, but its physical housing deteriorates as the weeks and months pass.
To my friends, I keep saying if I can just reach the finish line of the closing date for the house I'll be at peace. Trying to move mountains when you're not even strong enough anymore to cut meat on your plate requires a special kind of fortitude. I thank God everyday for the strength I still seem to be able to find, and the endless support of dear friends who lift me up. I'm blessed beyond words.
I leave you with this quote.
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it and a lie is a lie even if everyone believes it"
This is what gets me out of bed each day. I'm deeply saddened that people in my life whom I care a great deal about are no longer around because they've either believed lies, or chosen to put the truth into a corner.
I'm beyond grateful for those who can see truth and love, and know that this past year has not tarnished my capacity to love with every ounce of my being. If anything, it's been increased exponentially. I look back on this past year and know that what I've learned is that unconditional love does indeed exist in the hearts of many. But also not in all of them. This is one of the sad realities I've come to learn, along with many other lessons I've been given an opportunity to learn in this lifetime.
Through this experience I've seen the worst of the people around me, but also the best. I live by a "there are no coincidences" philosophy, and it's been proven over and over again in spades over the last year. As recently as this week when I went to go choose my cemetary plot I got a good old slap upside the head. "Sandy - listen to what the universe is whispering to you (or shouting in some cases!)" I can't tell you how often someone has suggested over the last year that I write a book on a life that defies explanation (some of you might note the irony on that one). Faith continues to be on my side, all will be explained in due time.
For the privacy of those involved, I choose not to go into details other than to let you know that my communication on this blog may be sporadic for a time (I should say for a bit longer if I'm being honest, I sure haven't done a good job of keeping up here over the last year). In one week, my daughter and I have to leave our home without a fixed address to go to. The implications are far reaching, emotionally, medically and practically. I'll soon find myself without a home to call our own, without professional nursing care, without the personal care workers who have made certain that I can remain independent for as long as possible as this illness progresses. And progress it does - I can see it in the eyes of friends who've not seen me for a few months. They can see that the essence of the person they know is still in there, but its physical housing deteriorates as the weeks and months pass.
To my friends, I keep saying if I can just reach the finish line of the closing date for the house I'll be at peace. Trying to move mountains when you're not even strong enough anymore to cut meat on your plate requires a special kind of fortitude. I thank God everyday for the strength I still seem to be able to find, and the endless support of dear friends who lift me up. I'm blessed beyond words.
I leave you with this quote.
"The truth is the truth even if no one believes it and a lie is a lie even if everyone believes it"
This is what gets me out of bed each day. I'm deeply saddened that people in my life whom I care a great deal about are no longer around because they've either believed lies, or chosen to put the truth into a corner.
I'm beyond grateful for those who can see truth and love, and know that this past year has not tarnished my capacity to love with every ounce of my being. If anything, it's been increased exponentially. I look back on this past year and know that what I've learned is that unconditional love does indeed exist in the hearts of many. But also not in all of them. This is one of the sad realities I've come to learn, along with many other lessons I've been given an opportunity to learn in this lifetime.
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