What Was I Afraid Of?

When I began writing this blog almost two years ago I'd decided to keep it anonymous. I feared that I would lose clients, that I'd be looked at differently if people knew that I was ill, and worst of all that I'd be pitied.

I feared that friends, colleagues from the past, acquaintances, neighbours would all give up on me and leave me to survive the rest of my illness alone.

Little did I anticipate how things would go.

Little did I realize that it would actually be clients who would be among my strongest supporters (there have been cards and email messages of support that have reduced me to a puddle of happy tears), that clients that I'd photographed would become close friends who over and over again ask if they can do anything to help. To tell me that they'd look forward to me getting back behind my camera to photograph their families (this belief in me getting better has helped more than they'll ever know).

I didn't know that friends (and even more so my husband's friends) would be in frequent contact to ask how they could help us out. That they would feel as helpless as we often do in our trek through our medical system.

That a neighbour would become the person that I felt I could be most honest with when it came to talking about how scary this all can be (a huge hug for you J., I don't know if you realize how much you mean to me).

That a dear friend of my husband (who has also become my dear friend) would offer to ride his bike across the province to raise funds for my drugs (L., you are too much and I can't thank you enough for your incredible offer!)

That a client, now friend would realize that I need some stress relief despite me insisting that I'm fine (truth be told, I'm not always upfront about how I'm really doing). We have a date when the weather improves to do some paintballing in her backyard - guess what three letters will be written across the target. Thank you S., can't wait to pummel the heck out of ECD!

That a dear friend who used to be our family doctor when we lived in the city would help me get through this with her loving and supportive words of advice to help my amazing daughter find some sense in all of this.

That an old friend whom I needed more than just about anyone else to stay in my life would continue to be there for me without question. Always without judgement (and the many miles between us have never mattered). And who will always be there for my daughter after I can't be anymore.

There are many of you who lift me up just by putting a "Like" on my recent Facebook posts to let me know that you're there for me.

It's been a polarizing experience. There are those dear friends who have rallied around, but there have also been those that I've not heard from in quite some time. I do understand. Really. This all sucks and I'm not very exciting to be around. I wish that I could go to dinner with the girls, meet up for coffee or have you over for dinner - but that isn't my reality anymore and those invitations have long since dwindled away. I've come to terms with it.

My status as an "ill person" is very likely to soon become public. This is a good thing, it looks promising that I'll have a chance to speak up on behalf of Canadians with rare illnesses and I'm proud of this opportunity.

So I make the leap to letting you know who is behind "Sessa". My name is Sandy. Sandy Trunzer. An ordinary 46 year old wife and mother with an extraordinary illness. The names of my husband and daughter remain private (they both have different last names than myself ), you know how much they mean to me and they deserve whatever privacy that they wish to maintain.

The photography business that I've mentioned numerous times in this blog is "The Intrepid Lens" - I'm proud of my work and if you'd like to check it out please visit my website at http://www.theintrepidlens.com.

This wasn't so painful after all.

And I'd also like to thank you for reading my blog. This blog gives me an outlet when I feel like talking, and I thank you for listening! (and for contributing with comments, I love getting them!)

With warm regards, and the knowledge that I have blessings in my life beyond what I ever thought possible,
Sandy