The day started off well enough...

Insurance application denied.

The reason given is that ECD is not on the list of illnesses that Enbrel has been proven to help. I don't know why they had us (and my medical team) jump through hoops to make a case for this drug when all along they knew that they wouldn't approve it.

Maybe this isn't completely rational (and I'll admit that I'm not feeling terribly sensible at this moment) - I'm feeling like a complete stranger has made a decision as to whether my life is worth investing in. They don't care that I have a teenage daughter I haven't finished raising, that I've only been married just a few short years to a man who has brought such happiness and security to my life, and that I'm getting worse as time goes on and desperate for a chance to be in less pain.

I'm a victim of a set of hard and fast rules that don't make allowances for a very rare illness that doesn't have a set treatment plan. No room to bend for something that falls away from the ordinary (not that other serious illnesses are to be taken lightly, just that having more people suffer a particular affliction means a much better opportunity to have outrageously expensive drugs financed).

I need a good cry, and will get ready to look at this with fresh eyes in the morning. But tonight, I need to let myself feel sad.